I Love him.

For sometime now, these are the three words that many of my prayes begin with.

Dear Father, I LOVE him.
And that is always followed by, "I know."

(Him being my husband) Those two soft whispered words back are of comfort. And I know they are words from God.

Tonight, I'm restless. The book of Hosea has been weighing on my mind for a few weeks now. I did read The Message version of it online, but didn't feel like I totally grasped what I was supposed to from it. I understand the premis of it, and why God told Hosea to marry Gomer - and why time and time again; Hosea was to take her back. I understand the symbolism of it all with Gods relationship with us. But, after reading it, I still felt like there was something missing.

So, tonight; I read the footnotes from my Life Recovery Bible and have come to a better understanding and think I know one of the things I missed before.

Not only is this a indication that standing for my marriage IS what I'm supposed to be doing. But, so is the journey that I'v become detoured on. And one that I have decided to make a public jourey - which I will get to in a minute.

After I read what I needed to, shut off my light and turned my raido on to my fav Christian Station. (which was playing the Facing the Giants song... can't think of the name of it right now....) I began my prayer....

Dear Father, I LOVE him.
And, as usual, "I know."

But then, there was something different.

He added, "but, do you love yourself?"

And thats when the lightbulb that I've been trying to cover up and ignore - shinned right into my eyes. I couldn't ignore it any longer. I've been thinking about making this Journey I'm about to re-embarke a public one for a long time, but just have not done it. I need a support system. And what better way to not only have an accountability team, but also a support system than to blog about it.

My public Journey - My food addiction. Hi, my name is Jen - and I'm addicted to food. I've said it before in a Recovery meeting - not one for food addiciton - but never in an audience such as this. I have no idea who reads this - I know people do. I know some of my friends do also. But here goes. I don't know how I'm going to do this yet - I just know this is the first step there. I have a few ideas of starting a support group through my church, or informally with friends.

I will be posting my goals, my glories, and my set backs. Join me on the Jorney. A trip is always better when it's done with friends. For tonight though, I think I will now be able to sleep.

One of the things that I need to continually remind myself of, is that God knows EVERYTHING about me. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Nothing is hidden. He knows how many hairs are on my head. And still - no matter what - He LOVES me. I want to leave you with this song. We sang it during worship, and I love it. It was a great reminder to me. Thank you Dan for suggesting it, and thank you to Dennis for playing it.