Unredeemed

It was 13 years ago that I met a man. It was our first meeting face to face. We had spent hours on the phone and emailing. But it was the first time we met face to face.

It was the beginning of internet dating. I was a college student trying to work 2 jobs, go to school, and be a typical 18 year old with a social life. My friends and I discovered the fun that could be had in chat rooms.

At some point, I raised the interests of a guy with the screen name of UBetcha13. Who knows what it was that I said, but this guy continued to email me. I answered him, and he started asking me for a phone number. Eventually - I gave it to him. Hours were spent on the phone, and of course he wanted to meet me. It was a Thursday and I finally decided to meet him in person. I can remember the details of getting ready for this date - to the point of remembering what I wore. I decided to meet him at a local Applebee's resuturaunt. I told friends about it, and my mom. We agreed to meet at 7 or 8. I walked into the entrance and waited.....looked around and wondered... was he already siting? Was he waiting for me. So I waited. One of the workers asked me if I wanted to be seated and I said I was waiting to meet someone. While waiting, I noticed this tall good looking blond wearing jeans, t-shirt, jean jacket and tennis shoes. And waited - it wasn't long before we realized we were waiting for each other. I remember my first smell of him. Boy was I nervous!

We were seated, and I knew sitting in the booth by the window looking at this guy with these great eyes, that there was something there. I wanted him to hold my hand. We talked. For hours. It was March Madness, but neither of us were paying much mind to the basketball. He kept looking at me, I was shy. At some point, I looked at him and knew. I knew we would be married some day. Boy did I want him to hold my hand. I even remember what we had for dinner. We closed the place down. We went out to the entrance hall, and he hugged me. Boy was I nervous, but I craved it. Because of something that happened to me in the past, I froze on him though, and started shaking uncontrollably. He held me, and I allowed him to. We had our fist kiss there. I have no idea how long we stood out there, but finally he started walking me to my car, and we ended up talking for a lot longer. I didn't get home until 3 that morning, and still had an art class project to finish up. Before we parted ways - we made our next date. It was 2 days after - his 21st birthday. He choose to spend his 21st birthday with me. See, in order for him to see me, he had to drive 6 hrs 2 days after because he was student teaching. On the 20th, he was going to school 2 hrs away.

It was the beginning of a long distance relationship that I knew I would marry the man involved. It was never an easy relationship. I knew right from the beginning that he was an addict - but I still choose to get involved. I could have called it quites at any time, but didn't.

This song is for you Jim. I love you. I continue to choose to love you. With God - all things are Redeemable. But we must cast ourselves aside along with our free will, and allow His will to work.

"When anything is shattered,
is laid before the Lord,
Just watch and see,
It will not be, Unredeemed."